That Resonating Energy

I had not paid utmost attention to Shah Rukh’s “Kuch khaas aawazon se dil ni dhadkanein tez ho jati hai” till some days ago, when I was given a sound reason. Some sounds do remain special. Each time they repeat themselves, they generate that shiver within, with even more resonating rigour. The only way to understand this, is to feel it. The last time I heard the clank of the Natuvangam was during my dance classes, more than half a decade ago. It had held less (or no) significance then. The only thing I remember of its existence as a kid was its series of high decibel levels- some of us kids found it annoying, the others found it amusing; both these reactions were merged when the class plunged into chaos for the nth time. I was a kid then. 
But a few days ago, when I happened to hear the same clank during some bhajan, it rang in my ear for a long time. And how! It seemed to silence every other noise and silence alike, both within and outside. The resonance with which it struck was magnificent; the effect it had, reverberating. As it rang in my ears, it seemed to nullify scepticism with every step I took. As I walked away from its source, its effect was still in action... till there was a strange peace in mind, while the silence was silenced. 

The Natuvangam is a very powerful instrument- it can compel anybody, can motivate anyone… can resonate energy. There has always been a rationale behind using it in dance- to stimulate thought into expressions and to coerce rhythm into movements. How else would just the clank of the Natuvangam evoke the Nritta in the dancer, giving birth to the energised spirited element in her? I still wonder.

A Passionate Visionary

It was a really, really long time ago when it took a lot for me to emote openly- the emotions were always there, tucked away in some corner of of my mind and too shy to show themselves up, sometimes even to me. But such a transition has come about, or rather emotions nowadays have become so overwhelming, that they have begun to flow- so eloquently that they amaze me. The result is, fortunately or unfortunately, a frequent set of actions which reveal the most inner folds of your earlier profound self to the outside. 

Last night, I happened to read about a success story, of a teenager who had fought against all odds that generally keep people tied up and prevent them from achieving great things, to make himself eligible for a law degree from the prestigious set of law schools in the country. Being from a low-income strata of the society and the only earning member of his family, this boy from a small town in Andhra Pradesh had braved all obstacles to achieve his dream. The fact that he was completely visually challenged did not keep his spirits from soaring- SO high that none of those social evils or cruel handicaps or merciless obstacles could imagine that the boy would come out of all this with flying colours! Such proud parents the boy would have, such admirers all over the country he had created... such a motivating precedent the boy had managed to set. 

Having finished his first trimester in law school, he had written a letter to the team of dedicated volunteers who had assisted him in the process, informing them how well he was managing everything, just on his own. On his own! He must have felt a flutter of a thousand birds fly in his heart... that freedom, that joy. It was a simple note, a tin one... but brimming with so much optimism and passion. Just enough to motivate. It was also humbling that I was involved in one such venture of making dreams come true, and I sighed instinctively. Just as I finished reading, tears were rolling down my cheeks and I was sobbing like a child. Everything that I thought I had achieved seemed like nothingness before such passion to achieve more and more. 

And now, all my dreams about career, academics and future plans had just taken a fresh diversion, seeming to indicate to me as to what exactly I wanted to do. There could be nothing more noble and satisfying than being associated with such visionaries, who would be a constant source of learning.  It was still vague in my head, but I was confident about giving it a form soon, I was sufficiently inspired. And when I shut my eyes after a tiring day, I did so in anticipation of that satisfying idea I had started to build in my head.

Romances

I recently came across this very special song by The Deewarists, and ever since, it has been playing on repeat on my laptop as well as in my head. Characterised by absolutely beautiful music, perfect rhythms, soft vocals, lovely background scores and extremely meaningful lyrics, it provides hope for a new world. A happy world. One reason for such an addictive effect the song had had over the past few days, I realised, was the subtle romance the music brims with. The idea of an entirely different world, a favourite companion, all the time spent together, conversations and laughter shared, happy moments and memories kept alive for ages to come: An excellent thought indeed. The notion of such a setting is refreshing, often makes me smile. 

There’s always a blur as to the ideas, people, places, and you keep adding to the jigsaw before you, pieces that best suit your desires. These pieces need not fit, they need to exist. The very thought of their forming a string of thoughts each knot reminding one of a distinct memory, is fantastic. All through the connecting activity, a happy suspense prevails- the guessing game of people, places, worlds, all so many! But the same romance, the same subtlety, happiness augmenting by bounds. All this brilliance is mostly always lost amid the robotic lifestyles we lead, hardly acknowledging the desires to travel to new worlds with new people. 

No wonder an ideal setting has always been a romantic notion.

Because Beasts Will Be Beasts

So, there are humans and there are beasts: the beasts with an irresistible urge to attack, conquer, kill… all the time; accustomed to a ferocious environment- even those who had begun with subtler killer instincts. They’re all charged up and waiting to pounce on the first edible human they can find, just like how caged animals have an enormously high level of potential energy, all their ferocity bottled up. In fact, these beasts are more fatal- they’re out in the open- no bars, no cages, but eyes constantly scanning fields. Piercing retina films, roars brimming with hunger. The humans are there too, non-aggressive, passive; but free- the former aspect submissiveness acceptable, but the freedom not.

Yes, this scene is hypothetical and extreme, more latter than the former, but in no way bizarre. If in case the humans resort to means which can secure the freedom they are entitled to and that they rightly possess, it would cause an unheard of situation: freedom is an asset only of the beasts. Where do these humans fit in? Or rather, where does their freedom figure? It’s a nonsensical conception, after all.

To add to this misery, there come the rules, and as ironical as it can get, these rules of the Beast Kingdom defy the Rule of Law (Oh, wait. Rule of Law, what?). The Rule, Part One- ‘The beasts are anyway aggressive, it is an inherent characteristic, and habits die hard. So, humans, beware! Exercise caution to save yourselves or your loved ones. It’s your responsibility’. An additional onus, a burden. The rationale is justified, right? Why else would you die by a beast’s attack if you yourself are careful? It’s common-sense! So, humans are to be extremely careful, exercise caution because… you do not want the beasts to attack. And this is YOUR duty. (Common-sense, you said?) The Rule, Part Two- ‘Do absolutely nothing to provoke the already hungry and deprived beasts’, “provoke” being the operative term. The humans are urged to remain their submissive selves (very conveniently) and take care so as to NOT incite the wrath of the beasts.

First, a burden on humans to protect themselves, owing to the inherent ferocity of the beasts; second, an onus to not provoke the beasts by acts lying even well within their realm of freedom. It’s not only horrible that the humans are worse-off, but also that there is a weighty onus on them, so heavy that they are already collapsing under that weight. Is there more injustice that can be done? It’s time to realise- irrespective of what the humans do, whatever caution they exercise, how many ever security measures they undertake, it would flow into nothing but futility. Why, you ask? Because beasts will be beasts.

The Emancipating Void

During an amazing experience to produce a debut theatrical performance, I was drawn to the Ranga Shankara, one of the finest stages Bangalore has seen, and fortunate to be gifted with. Having heard about its brilliance for an exhaustingly long time, but never getting the fortune of meeting the marvel till that fateful day, was indeed shameful. This made me cringe for a few seconds as I got off the rickshaw close to a creative construction that stood before me.    

Little did I know that behind that massive wooden door awaited an amphitheatre that could cause a spectacle. A subtle one, but nonetheless a phenomenon. The calm existence of the titanic podium, the seats welcoming the anxiety, the geometric succession of whose height directly proportional to the intimidation they caused, and… a sense of emptiness. The haphazard blend of the awesomeness the theatre was made of and the apprehension, excitement, confusion, began to seem beautiful, and reassuringly beautiful! And an eerie thought struck me, of how gorgeous void can be, and how inviting… yet silent.

As the dim lights spread across the elegant wooden stage, their soothing effect could not counter racing heartbeats. The quiet compelled an uncanny silence to fill my head and complement rhythmically with the heart’s function, so spontaneously. Stepping into the realm of the spotlight beam made me sense half a grand eyes focussing on every bit of the shivers that my spine must have felt. The space was gradually transformed into a fresh liberating sensation, as I filled its void.

The time had come to take that call- about firmly deciding that the emotion that the spotlight was trying so hard to compel, since so long, was not of intimidation, but of emancipation. With my eyes shut, I began to mutter a prayer to thank Him for all those mistakes that were forgiven, the frustration that was soothed, the fears that were braved, the ecstasy the day had brought...

A Frog-Princess Tale

When I started from home a fortnight ago, I had wondered just for a moment how my first experience far from home, in an unacquainted city and amidst new people would be. Staying away from all that familiarity, pampering and intimacy is not an easy task, especially when they had tightly coiled up over the years. (But isn’t change always deemed to be welcome?) This was also exactly why being distant is so hard to accept; and the oft-told story remains- a frog straight out of its well would never know how the Outside would be. Curiously, the story after the frog comes out has always remained a mystery. Whether it turned out to be a frog-princess, or whether destiny had other plans for it, no one would know for sure. Oh, so meet me, the frog.

The transition was sure to come someday, although I have never been able to figure out if I even wished for it. But contrary to general perception, the outside (I saw) seemed extremely hospitable as genuineness in affection became increasingly apparent. The most helpful part about unfamiliar newness (as I see it) is how close to your former comfort zone it takes you. New portions complementing beautifully with some old ones, which inevitably followed you into the newness, is a brilliant combination. You don’t complain about those old streaks, as they denote that familiarity you so longed for in the newness… something to fall back upon if the newness intimates: Shadows are (thankfully) meant to follow.

Now, putting abstracts aside… In this process of evolution, I saw a beautiful city. As packages, it brought along with it the heat, friendly towns, hospitality, festivities, hectic work, long taxi rides, rants and unexpected compliments, awesome food, conversations, waits; the best thing being the rare surprises that were reserved just for me, and the independence the Outside sought to teach. Memories dug out through silent waves at the Necklace, constant thoughts of home kindled, the occasional coldness and lowering of morale, intimate conversations at the Café, cribbing to finish incessant work, much-needed love and unending warm-heartedness- it was all a mix.

  So yes, the Outside has been special, for reasons both said and unsaid.

Bombay Blues

A series of disastrous exams, despite over a week’s incessant hard-work (mixed with sleep-deprivation, tension, crankiness) was soon followed by an adventurous and nail-biting drive to the Bangalore International Airport. In an attempt to reach the Airport in time, affectionate hugs were forgone and limited to mere hurried goodbyes, but eventually it only left me a few minutes away from almost missing my flight. The entire string of incidents was so ruthlessly quick that even a moment to squeeze in contemplating disappointing exams, a sigh of relief that they’re over, or the excitement that my Bombay dream was finally coming true, seemed like an impossibility. Nonetheless, as I boarded the flight to take a window seat, the only thing on mind was sleep- its taste forgotten, and its value unrealised till the current deprivation was felt. But the excitement of Bombay still unusually lingered on, poking me each time about how desperately I had longed to go see the city, since time immemorial.

Each trip is meant to have a purpose, they say. The known purpose of this one was an internship, a topic currently seeming all-important and attaining centre-stage in every conversation about future plans for life. On the flip-side, the unacknowledged purpose was how the internship had transformed itself into a fortunate façade- to be off to Bombay! A city I had never been to, but had heard so much about, a city renowned to have made many dreams reach fruition and caused renewed lives. Being absolutely unaware of what it has in store for me, or even what I actually expect out of it, I had barged right ahead to challenge the city to blatantly show me all that it has. After occasional human and air turmoil, and the flight ultimately landed, I walked out of the air-conditioned spaces of the Chatrapathi Shivaji Airport, just as Bombay’s heat waves welcomed me by hitting me in the face: its first greeting?

There was something refreshing about this city, instantly reminding me of my favourite hometown. Ah, now in retrospect, it must have been the warmth, or perhaps the hospitability that is so familiar... And I began to like the city, and embraced it with the same unassuming vigour it greeted me with. Now as I retire for the night, too exhausted to think, the expectation of a fresh day and a fresher desire linger on...